The Truth About What Stops Men From Opening Up Emotionally

It can be frustrating when the man you’re dating won’t open up about their feelings — but they might have a good reason. Here are a few men explaining their personal reason for failing to open up to the people they love:

“It makes me feel weak and burdensome. I fear that the people I love will think less of me. Opening up about troublesome thoughts and feelings just spreads the negativity around. Why would I want to bring negativity into the lives of the people around me?” — Red-Dwarf69

“Every single time I do, whatever I’m talking about gets downplayed or they try to one-up me. I’m never allowed to have a moment.” – fastfood12

“Because I’ve never had a positive experience opening up. Experience has shown me that I’m truly alone in everything.” — Coconut_Salad

“According to attachment theory I learned as a small child that my feelings were unacceptable and had to be suppressed, which means that I have been unable to receive emotional support from others and have found that giving emotional support to others to be exhausting. This has meant that close relationships of any kind has been a major drain on my resources. I have been expected to give emotional support, which has been excruciating for me, without feeling like I get anything back. This has led me to avoid letting people into my life as it has simply seemed like a bad deal.” — Uncleniles

“Every time I’ve ever opened up and let my guard down, I’ve been told immediately after that it made me appear weak, and therefore less attractive. Literally every time. So, the only logical solution is to bottle it all up and never do that stuff again.” — Newms323

“Every time I try to open up its almost always turned around and the person gets upset at me which starts an argument (‘I feel like you’re criticizing me a lot and it’s getting my down.’) or they ask you like a thousand super detailed follow up questions and it feels like they’re dismantling your feelings like a court room setting and you’re just left feeling gaslighted. It’s just not worth it.” — talligan

“I have no one to talk to. No close friends. The few family members I have are gossips and would rather use my personal issues for that purpose than to be supportive.” — brunoquadrado

“In my case, I’m worried that whatever I said would be used against me. I really won’t open up even to my parents, my girlfriend, or my closest best friends as well because I feel like that moment, that thing, will be used against me at some point in the future.” — Ok_Word7758

“My experience has been that most women will say they want you to be sensitive and vulnerable, but they absolutely do not believe that deep down. Opening up has been a surefire way for me to either get long-term partners disinterested in me or get my past trauma laughed at and used against me. And I’m not talking about grief-dumping levels of opening up here. I pay a therapist to suffer through that like an adult. So now my emotions are locked up like Fort Knox, unless we’re talking about happiness or anger, since those seem to be the only socially acceptable emotions for men to have.” — lettuce_interrobang

“This seems like a cliche response but no one cares. The attitude of ‘you’re a dude, get over it and get to work’ is still real prevalent. Plus, I have a family to take care of. My job is to be their support and be an asset to them, not a liability. So, we bury it and push onward.” — Liberteer30