Thought Catalog Agency

12 Things I Let Men Get Away With In My Early 20s I Won’t Put Up With In My 30s

I turned 30 this year and I have to admit I definitely feel more mature, self-assured, and confident than I ever have in my life. I’ve come to realize that the older I get, the more I both like and respect myself, and I see a direct reflection of this in the way I date. There are so many things I used to let men get away with in my 20s that I would never put up with now that I’m in my 30s. Here are 12 of those things.

  1. Only giving me the bare minimum. Only receiving the bare minimum is not romantic. It is honestly insulting. I am no longer flattered by men putting in the least amount of effort necessary to keep me around because that is no longer enough for me. Healthy relationships require nurturing, maintenance, and care. The bare minimum does not accomplish that and I’m no longer tolerating it.
  2. Ghosting me and then popping back in my life as if nothing happened three months later. This is blatant disrespect. I learned the hard way too many times in my early 20s that men who do this only want you when they’re lonely or when it’s convenient for them. Their intentions related to coming back are not genuine and there is always some sort of agenda. I’m no longer falling for it.
  3. Little to no ambition. Having zero personal goals is such a turn-off. By now, if a guy doesn’t have any semblance of a life vision for himself, I’m not interested. I’m looking for a partner, not a project.
  4. Not caring about my sexual needs, too. No explanation is needed.
  5. Saying shit like, “We need to see one another soon!” and then never asking me to do anything ever. Initiative is attractive. Alluding to imaginary plans is not. Either ask me out or leave me alone.
  6. Treating me like an option, not the choice. Because I deserve to be and feel valued.
  7. Mixed signals. I now know that indecision is a decision. If a man doesn’t seem to know how he feels about me, that is all the information I need. And, besides, inconsistency is unattractive anyway.
  8. Treating me like a therapist. I’m all for being emotionally supportive but if a man is constantly emotionally dumping on me without providing any support in return, no thanks.
  9. Poor communication skills. This varies from being able to express what they’re feeling to making plans to showing up on time. Communication is everything and if a man can’t figure that out, I’m done.
  10. Disgustingly dirty living spaces. Been there, done that. Keep your apartment clean, my dude!
  11. Only seeing me if there was a chance we were going to hook up. Hard pass.
  12. Being “unsure” about what he’s looking for. If a man is in his late 20s to 30s and still isn’t sure if he’s ready for a relationship, I’m not going to be the woman who tries and convince him he wants one. That’s no longer my style. I deserve more than that.