What Everyone Learns About Their Love Language In Their 20s
In your twenties, you learn which love languages are most compatible with yours. You learn what you need from a partner and what types of words or actions make you feel the most loved. This is a crucial lesson to learn, especially since we spend so much of our early life trying to be what another person wants. Trying to make them happy. Trying to figure out how to behave in order to receive attention and validation. But knowing what you want from the other person is equally (if not more) important. After all, you can’t ask for what you want if you have no idea what that looks like. You need to figure out what makes you excited, what makes you frustrated, and what makes you feel safe. And most of those things stem back to your love language.
In your twenties, you also learn that your primary love language isn’t the only one that matters. After all, the mood that you’re in can impact what type of love you’re hoping to receive. Maybe you want to spend quality time with your partner on good days – but when you’re in a bad mood and feel like the world is crashing down around you, you would rather have space. Or it could be the opposite. Maybe you normally aren’t a touchy-feely person, but when you need a good cry, you want your partner to hold you and refuse to let go.
It’s important to remember that humans are multifaceted. Your main love language isn’t going to tell you absolutely everything you need to know. Different occasions call for different behaviors. And you aren’t going to know what your partner needs unless you stay open and communicative with them. Don’t be afraid to tell them that, although they mean well, whatever they’re doing isn’t helping. And don’t be afraid to instruct them on how they can help you in a more productive way.
In your twenties, you’re going to learn how to respond to partners with different love languages. You’ll learn that giving someone what you want can actually backfire on you because you’re centering yourself. You aren’t asking yourself what their personality would respond well to. You’re only thinking about yourself. And that’s not the way a healthy relationship should work. You need to understand your core differences. You need to recognize that the type of affection that you wish to receive on a daily basis isn’t necessarily the same as what your person wants. You have to communicate openly with your partner so that you understand what they’re looking for in a relationship and can do a better job of giving it to them (within reason, of course).
In your twenties, you learn that love is difficult to express because different people value different gestures. Before you can make someone feel fully loved, you need to understand what their expectations and hopes are for the relationship. You need to know what they’re thinking without randomly trying to guess. And, most importantly, you need to continue showing them love throughout the relationship, not only in the early stages, not only when things are fresh.