The Truth Is, Being In Your 20s Is Exhausting

I had no idea this whole journey could feel like a total mess.

Being 20-something comes without further instructions. Since I stopped being 19, the world has become even less kind. Perhaps it’s true that once you reach your 20s, you’ll get closer to reality. But this isn’t the outcome I had hoped for.

Some people my age had it figured out and I hadn’t. I know we all have different stories and different overnight battles that we never tend to tell others about. Perhaps we are all going through a phase of uncertainty and I shouldn’t conclude what I see on the surface.

But, at this very moment, I feel like a total loser. Being 20-something exhausts me, and the sadness stays; it lingers.

It’s safe to say reaching your 20s is the most confusing part, as well as the most infuriating, coercing, and intimidating. The pestering pressure you feel in your 20th-plus years feels real and frightening.

Growing up, I had all these ideas and timelines. But, I suppose I am merely a reminder to those who made it—a contrast. I am nothing but a waste of space, as if I only exist to remind others to appreciate what they have right now because I have nothing, like I’m simply reminding you to be grateful for what you have. Someone you can compare yourself to and feel good about because, at the very least, you are not like me. I am like a filler in this world because it will be dull when everyone’s doing well; there has to be someone who isn’t.

Maybe this will be funny to me eventually—all these worries and ugly crying at 3 a.m. I hope someday I’ll laugh at how I used to care a lot. I hope I’ll figure it out.

And after all the things I said, I am still hopeful that someday I can look back and laugh at how stupid and ridiculous I sounded. And, maybe, if there’s a chance to talk to the 20-something version of myself, I could say: “We finally made it.”

Now, that’s too much hope. But I’d like to believe I still have a lot of time to figure it out. Again, I hope I’ll figure it out.