Here’s How The ‘Conjuring’ Universe Needs To End (Though They Would Never Dare)

With eight movies currently filling up the Conjuring Universe, the odds that you’ve seen at least one of these are very good. They consist of three Conjuring movies and five spin-offs, like The Nun, Annabelle, and The Curse of La Llarona. With two more spin-offs set to come out in the next few years, there seems to be no end in sight. But there’s something very important the filmmakers have been forgetting about Ed and Lorraine Warren. If they’re going to do the final Conjuring right, here’s how it should end.

A Typical Start to a Conjuring Plot

It should start like every other Conjuring movie. A family moves into a new house and the hauntings start immediately. Some dark presence chooses one of the children and takes over their body. Cue floating kids and chairs moving across the room on their own. It’s the classic Conjuring stuff we all know and love. Spooky, spooky!

Because Ed and Lorraine Warren are famous paranormal investigators and demonologists, the head of the family would call them in for help. And, because the Warrens love any chance at publicity, they’d show up.

Gaffes and Goofs for the Audience

As Ed (Patrick Wilson) and Lorraine (Vera Farmiga) set up their gadgets around the family’s house, they begin catching the ghostly phenomena on camera. Mugs of hot coffee fly across the room. At this point, the final Conjuring feels like it’s just like any other movie in the franchise. But then the audience starts to notice something.

At first, viewers will think the fishing line they see pulling books off shelves is just a mistake. They assume that the demon voice speaking through Lorraine that sounds an awful lot like Vera Farmiga’s voice is an editing blunder. It’s just a mistake the filmmakers forgot to fix, right?

But you’re not the only one who notices.

The Head of the Family Gets Suspicious

The dad of this haunted family starts to notice things, too. He sees the string pulling things. He sees Lorraine having “visions” and learning things that could easily be found with a quit trip to the microfiche at the local library. It doesn’t add up. So he does research of his own.

Cue the research montage you’ll find in most paranormal movies, but this time the dad is looking into the Warrens themselves. He finds a real newspaper article about how the Amityville case was amplified over bottles of wine. He sees an episode of The Twilight Zone called “Living Doll” that’s the exact plot of the Warrens’ Annabelle story, yet it came out years before that event.

A Look Back at the Other Conjuring Movies

Now that the dad has realized the Warrens are charlatans (sorry to break it to you, Conjuring fans, but the real Ed and Lorraine Warren were nothing more than frauds), we see a montage of clips from previous movies in The Conjuring Universe. But now we see how the Warrens have faked the supernatural phenomena. We see them telling members of the family what to do and say, and how going along with the plan will make them famous. It shows that none of the supernatural events in the 8-10 prior movies actually happened. (A bombshell that New Line Cinema or Wilson and Farmiga would never allow.)

Dad Confronts the Warrens

Armed with the knowledge that the Warrens are frauds, he confronts them in his home. Of course, Ed is pissed that anyone would think they’re faking. “Lorraine’s the real deal,” he says. But the dad shows them exactly how they’ve been faking.

The New Paranormal Investigator

As Dad argues with the Warrens, more supernatural phenomena begins. A table levitates and flies across the room. “You can stop that now, you’ve been caught,” the dad yells at Ed. But Ed looks terrified. He tries to yell at the room, brandishing his bible, but the ghostly violence continues.

It turns out Ed and Lorraine Warren have finally found a house that is actually haunted–and they have no idea what to do. They try a few of their parlor tricks, but nothing works. In the end they flee the home stating that it’s all because the dad was a disbeliever. That leaves the dad of the family stuck with an actual haunting.

Luckily, he did all the research and he’s seen what not to do. He ends up casting the dark presence from his home. When people hear what happened, he’s called to help other families, and so starts a new paranormal investigator. But this time, it’s for real.

What do you think? Would you like this ending? And if you work for New Line Cinema and are looking for someone to write the script, you know where to find me.