4 Concrete Signs They’re Just Not That Into You

1. They Don’t Initiate Contact

If you’re always the one to initiate texts, calls, or plans to meet up, it’s a strong sign they might not be as interested as you are. Have you ever heard of people who stop texting their friends first and then never hear from them again? If the person you’re interested never starts the conversation, never makes plans to see you, and never wants to call you on the phone, it’s definitely a bad sign. Unless you’re dating someone who only gets cell service once a week, they should be initiating contact with you – and they should be doing it frequently. 

When you do initiate first, they should be responsive and excited; they’ll want to communicate their interest to you even when you’re the one initiating. They should express excitement about concrete plans, add ideas for dates, keep the conversation going on phone calls, and respond to texts with more than just one-word answers. If you’re thinking they’re not that interested after all, leave the phone line alone for a little bit and see if they reach out to you (and no, leaving you alone for five days before randomly texting “you up?” does not count). Consistent one-sided communication is a clear indicator of where their priorities lie.

2. Their Body Language Is Detached

Body language can be a significant indicator of someone’s interest. If they maintain physical distance, avoid eye contact, or their body is turned away from you when you’re together, it’s often a non-verbal cue of their disinterest. People who are into you will generally lean in, maintain eye contact, and show open body language. This is all typically unconscious behavior, so these signs can be subtle because the person themselves may not be aware of their body language towards you.

Don’t confuse any of these signs with someone being shy or overthinking their conversation with you; if they make an effort to try to engage you otherwise, sparse eye contact probably isn’t something to worry about. You’ll more often than not be able to ‘feel’ when someone is physically detaching themselves from you; it’ll be a little harder to catch their attention, talk to them one-on-one, or engage them within a circle of people. 

3. They’re All Talk, No Action

It’s easy to be swayed by the words of someone who means well. Maybe they seem excited to take you out, introduce you to their friends and family, and make your relationship serious. It can take a while to discover that someone isn’t really intent on doing any of these things when they continue to insist that they are – that’s why this tactic works so well. Even if they themselves think they want a relationship with you, they’re just not all that into you if they continue to make promises to you that they just can’t keep. If there’s some odd reluctance on their part to follow through with all the things they told you they wanted to do with you, it’s probably because they’re not into you.

Can’t get their availability for a first date? Do they keep adding friends to would-be one-on-one meet-ups? Planning a trip with them that they seem super excited about but still won’t set a date for? Do they say they want to meet your family but never sit down to plan out a visit? Do they talk all the time about introducing you to their friend group but never do? Are they proposing long lists of relationship goals to keep you hooked but always drop their plans once the time comes? They’re probably just stringing you along. If they’re not meeting relationship milestones, it’s because they don’t want to. 

4. They Don’t Treat You Differently

When you like someone, you’ll go the extra mile for them – especially if your relationship is new and you want to get to know them better. If they treat you the same (or less familiarly) as they do everyone else in their life, they’re probably not interested in you specifically; they might just be a nice or super social person. Getting coffee one-on-one might seem like a real date to many people, but if they do the exact same thing with everyone new they meet, there’s not much of a chance they see you any differently than they do the others in their lives. 

Additionally, if you’re noticing that they’re treating others in their lives with more consistency than they give you, that’s also a bad sign. When you’re hoping to show someone you’re interested in them and want to form a deeper relationship with them, not only will you go the extra mile, but you also won’t be afraid to rearrange your schedule (in a healthy manner) to give you a little extra time to spend with them. That’s not to say they should be ditching their friends and family 24/7 to come and see you, but if they give the rest of their social circle all the spare time they could share with you, it’s a sign you’re just not at the top of their mind.